Tantric Mothering:

By Didi Ananda Uttama

Neohumanist College of Asheville Press (2004)
Reviewed by Kathleen Kesson

Neohumanist schools serve all ages, starting with the early childhood and elementary years and on up through secondary school and college. Neohumanist Educational theory has concerned itself primarily with the earliest schooling years—two/three years old through middle school— in recognition of the emphasis that P.R. Sarkar placed on proper education in the formative years of a child’s physical, emotional, social, and intellectual development, when the personality has not yet “solidified” and detrimental habits have not yet developed strong roots. With the publication of this edifying new book, Didi Ananda Uttama reminds us that true education begins at conception, and that the first couple of years (pre-natal and post-natal) of an infant’s life are when the essential foundations are laid for psychological well-being, healthy social development, and the expansion of love for all beings that is at the heart of Neohumanist philosophy. And importantly, this is not a one-way transmission of “education”; in clear and accessible prose, Didi enlightens us to the ways that the parent or caretaker is themself shaped and formed—educated—by the newly incarnated human.

This is a well-researched text, drawing on qualitative interviews with over 75 mothers from many different countries. The actual voices of these many women are framed by Didi’s vast experience as a nurse and midwife, and her many years of experience as an acarya (teacher of Yoga), as an educator and administrator of pre-schools, and more recently, in her work with refugee women in Greece, many of whom have experienced trauma in their quest for freedom and the opportunity to improve their lives. The words of the women are moving and very down-to-earth; there is no effort here to gloss over the tribulations that birth and mothering can bring, nor to paint an ideal portrait of motherhood. There are common threads though, that weave their way through the women’s stories, stories of how despite the very real challenges and contradictions of the experience, no one emerges from birth and parenting unchanged.

So what makes Tantric mothering any different from conventional mothering? Surely at the level of bodily and emotional experience, there are many commonalities. But the important core of this book is a philosophy that posits a universal human journey of spiritual development that draws us ever closer to the experience of Oneness with everything in the universe, the merging of our individual consciousness with the Infinite— the formless intelligence that pervades the universe and is both first cause and final destination of evolution. Tantra is an extraordinarily complex philosophy that takes disciplined practice and study to grasp, but Didi Ananda Uttama provides enough understanding for us to appreciate the role that birth experiences of both infant and mother play in this journey toward enlightenment.

Without oversimplifying the many factors that can influence a person’s ability to connect with a “higher power,” it becomes clear that the quality of mother-child bonding (as well as father-child bonding) and early childhood nurturing play a significant role in positive spiritual growth for both infant and adult caregiver. Didi draws on recent research in the neurosciences that demonstrates the many ways that a caregiver’s nurturing, availability, interactions, and protection provide an early basis for the child’s relationship with the Divine. This goes well beyond Freud’s theory of how the parent supplies the “superego” (enabling the child to transcend the impulsive urges of the id and imbibe the moral standards and values of the parent). Early relationships can provide the template for people’s later perceptions of God, ranging from the distant authoritarian with no emotional connection—the God of wrath and judgment—or the God “who cares, listens, and responds” (p. 57). And the mother, or caregiver, benefits as well. One physicist cited in the book notes that when a person’s whole being feels interwoven with the infant, the ability to feel the deep connections between all beings is accentuated, thus providing a step toward universal love.

My own childbearing years (1972-1982) during which I gave birth to my four sons came at a fortuitous time. I had been a student of Yoga for a few years, and adopted a healthy lifestyle. And the zeitgeist of the late 1960’s and the 1970’s offered a number of profound influences that shaped my mothering style. I read Ashley Montague’s book Touching: The Human Significance of the Skin, which led me on a quest to study Indigenous approaches to child raising, from which sprung my commitments to natural birth, the family bed, extended breastfeeding, nurturing touch, and carrying my infants in slings as long as my back held out! Such innovations have become mainstream, if not universally accepted, but they were considered quite offbeat back then. I had learned the value of infant massage at Yoga retreats from Vimala McClure, who later wrote a number of books on the topic, and I added my own version, with the gentle drumming rhythms I loved from my work as a dancer and drummer (note: each child actually became a musician, with one exception – and he is an aficionado of music!). I absorbed my ideas about birthing from Ina May Gaskin ‘s wonderful book Spiritual Midwifery, and enjoyed the popular magazine Mothering (1976-2011) which, though controversial about some subjects, such as vaccines, was a source of support to those seeking alternatives to medicalized, plasticized, “consumerized” birth and parenting. Tantric Mothering is not a nostalgic return to this past, nor a dogmatic compendium of “approved” birth and parenting practices, but it is refreshing to see the support for loving, child-friendly approaches brought forward in our modern, hyper-technological times.

Like many mothers, I intuitively grasped the ways that my children helped diminish my ego-driven self—good parenting really does demand putting one’s own selfish needs and desires aside in the interest of tending to the needs of the infant. I recognized the many ways that parenting cultivated my patience, flexibility, adaptability, and certainly my compassion, for I had not foreseen the fierce love that would overtake my psyche with the birth of my first child. But reading Didi’s book gave me a deeper appreciation of the contemporary Tantric concept that Shri Sarkar terms “coordinated cooperation”—which Didi relates to the full and influential partnership between mother and child in which the very presence of the child draws forth the intuitive capacities of the adult, enabling them to realize and deepen their connection to the Infinite Consciousness. In a way, the infant can be seen as a messenger from the higher, more subtle levels of mind and spirit, while mother has to varying degrees figured out how to live an embodied life, and their interactions reflect a reciprocity in the process of becoming “whole.” It is here, I believe, that Didi has drawn a clear line from Tantric mothering to “planetary change.” She reminds us of the work of Rianne Eisler (2019), author of a number of fine books on our planetary future, who put forth the notion of “partnership”—a call to support and develop the human capacities for caring, consciousness, and empathy that are so sadly lacking in today’s “power-over” society. Tantric Mothering is a testament to how true partnership is developed in the context of the very primal act of birth itself, and is chock full of practical wisdom on how to “transform human love into universal love in our own lives while simultaneously shaping society” (p. 22). In these confusing and chaotic times of conflict and strife over gender roles, social values, and ideologies, it is important to remember that love is the evolutionary ground of our human development and the biological basis of intelligence and spirituality, and that mother-infant love has played a crucial role in humanity’s development. As Didi Uttama reminds us, maternal love, in important ways, provides us with a blueprint for our next great leap into universality.

Available on Amazon

• Eisler, R. & Fry, D.P. (2019). Nurturing our humanity: How domination and partnership shape our brains, lives, and future. Oxford University Press.
• Gaskin, I.M. (1975). Spiritual midwifery. Book Publishing Company.
• Montague, A. (1986). Touching: The human significance of the skin. William Morrow Paperbacks.